One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

After last year’s run in with the school over my son not having a seat on the bus, I looked forward to a nice quiet year this year. Not so fast. You are going to love this one! You have got to love the public school systems. They have become so large they are just as bureaucratic as our federal government.

This morning my son announced that he did not feel good but he hesitated to miss school. I told him to give it a try and call me if he needed to come home early. His last period is an extra period this year because he takes math at the high school early in the morning and then attends middle school. He peer tutors this extra period.

He texted me between classes (cell phones are to be turned off in class but are not banned) telling me he was not feeling good and wanted to come home and not attend the last period. This is the first time this has happened. I went to school to pick him up and made the mistake of telling them I was picking him up because he wasn’t feeling well. I was told I needed to talk to the school nurse.

The school nurse, let’s just call her Nurse Ratched to protect the guilty, advised me that my son was not to call me but he is to come to her office and she decides whether or not he is sick enough to go home. I took a deep breath – I took several deep breaths. I told my son to go talk to the nurse and I went to the administrative assistant desk. I was told the assistant principal was not in and the principal was not available. Another deep breath. Relaxation breathing not working – I am almost hyperventilating by now. I feel hair growing on my face, my nose getting longer and then Mama Bear made an appearance.

I let the administrative assistant know that whether or not Nurse Ratched decided my son was sick enough to go home or not, I intended on walking out the door with him. I let her know as his parent I would determine whether he was sick enough to go home or not, not Nurse Ratched. I also let her know that having an employee of the school tell my son that he is not to call his parent(s) was not a good idea and could pose a ‘problem’. I would understand if they want him to make the call to us from office, but don’t tell him he can’t call us. And by the way, I told her, I predict my son will not be getting sick and having to go home early anymore. I suspect, however, that I will be picking him up early more often for doctor or dentist appointments (he he – there is more than one way to skin a cat).

Nurse Ratched decreed my son sick enough to go home and we went on our merry way. Like she was going to stop me from taking him home. By the time my son gets out of high school I will be the one not flying over the cuckoo’s nest – but in it!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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The hardest part for me in being a parent is when your child hits puberty and starts taking steps toward being an adult. The first clue my baby was not a baby anymore was the fact he is 6 foot tall and 160 pounds. It is hard to let go sometimes. You end up viewing your teenagers like the father in the commercial who is handing over the car keys to his teenage daughter and he sees her as a 6 year old.

For some reason these days parents are priming their kids for college as early as elementary school and it especially obvious at the middle school level. All the must dos in the parent handbook that include making sure your child is involved in certain clubs, community organizations and for those with a bit of cash on hand, funding the start of your child’s non-profit organization, which always looks good on a Ivy League application. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good thing in the case where a child is truly touched by a situation and their actions develop into a non-profit organization with their parent’s and/or community’s support. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

My problem is usually, not always, the child’s life becomes what the parent wants for the child and becomes less what the child wants his life to be. I know the intentions are good but it makes me sad. My son caught on to this part of being an adult last year and seemed concerned that he might have to be and do things that aren’t part of who he is to be successful. Well, how do you answer that? As idealistic as some of us want to be we all do this to some extent. But my answer to him was just try to be yourself. Stay true to who you are and what you believe. Maybe you won’t be Harvard bound but you will be happy.

Yesterday someone said to me (hence triggering my first post in months) - there are extremists on both sides of an issue. There is on this issue where you have some parents who go to extremes to set their child up for success based on their desires not their child’s. Then there are the parents who don’t give any help or direction to their child and the child is left wandering alone into adulthood.

These extremists cause a lot of problems for us moderates on both sides of the issues. Some of us are called racist and anti-immigration when in fact we are against illegal immigration because it involves breaking the law. We horrifying find ourselves walking next to skin-heads when we abhor everything about their views. We get accused of being against freedom of religion because we think it is disrespectful to the memories of those who were killed in the 9/11 attacks to build a mosque of such magnitude in the area.

We can teach our children that they can agree to disagree. We can teach them that they don’t have to nor should they embrace the extremists but the extremists do have a right to freedom of speech. We can teach them to sing praises to the freedom we have and to the men and women of the armed forces who every day fight for that freedom. We can teach them about integrity and being true to themselves. We can teach them about respect.

The Aha Moment

Do you remember some of the advice your parents gave you as a kid? Remember how it went in one ear and out the other?

Recently, my son decides to cut an apple in half with his finger at school during lunch (he saw it on YouTube). He succeeded but the assistant principal caught him and sent him to the nurse (he did not hurt his hand). I got a call. I was trying to explain to my son that not only was it not a good idea but doing it in front of a bunch of middle schoolers, who like him do not have fully developed frontal lobes, was a baaaaddddd idea. He obviously didn’t get it because after I finished my speech he asked if I wanted to see him do it.

I explained that when you make a bad choice it makes an impression on people. Then when the event is repeated people will think of you – especially if you happen to be in the vicinity when it happens (I speak from experience as I went through this daily as a child). Then just recently someone sitting next to him at lunch decided to recreate the event and got busted by the assistant principal. The assistant principal looked at my son and said ‘Wonder where he learned that from?’ He proclaimed his innocence. I expect another call.

Looking back, I thought about what I learned from my parents. My father would say “always expect the worst’. Being the idealistic young girl I was I thought that was very pessimistic. As I got older I realize it was his way of protecting me from a cruel, harsh world. When I expect the worst it lessens the disappointment, the hurt. Lesson One: It is not always good to judge what was said but why it was said.

Sometime when my parents got really desperate they would make a prediction (a gloomy one at that) about an outcome concerning a decision I had made. They were usually right but not always. Lesson Two: Parents don’t know everything.

I learned even more as a parent. I expected my son to listen carefully to my advice. I thought he would thank me for setting him on the right path and saving him years and years of heartache. Yeah, right. Lesson Three: Stop being an idiot. Your kids are not any different than you.

They may listen but they probably won’t get it – not right way, anyhow. You know the moment – the aha moment. When the words your parents said suddenly come to mind and you really get it. It’s also the moment you as a parent feel vindicated. But instead of saying ‘I told you’ even though it is on the tip of your tongue just begging to be let loose – you just smile (and silently praise God!).

The Real Mama Bear

I ran across this site the other day. Can’t remember how I found it. They have set up a webcam outside a black bear’s den in Ely, Minnesota as she was exhibiting signs of being with cub. She had her cub – they are pretty sure it is just one – yesterday.

Brandon and I were watching the night before last and watched what we felt certain were movements of the cub inside her. She was sleeping but it was apparent she was restless.

Her name is Lily (the picture above is not of her) and her story is quite remarkable. Check it out at the link below. Be sure to check out the web cam to see if you can catch a glimpse of the cub. With her labor recorded at 21 hours and 39 minutes she is the Real Mama Bear!


http://www.bear.org/website/visit-us/lily-den-cam.html

The Cafeteria Lady

It is so funny. I brought up the subject of the school cafeteria lady the other day with a friend. She described the school cafeteria lady she remembers from her childhood and she looked just like the picture above. I would like to be clear, though. None of the people working in my son’s school cafeteria look like that. In fact one of them, I imagine, looks like an angel.

Back when I was in school (you know, the school that I had to walk to 5 miles in the snow with no shoes) we had to pay for our lunch with real money. Nowadays you go online and load money on your child’s account. Your child gives their account number at the cafeteria and they charge the account. You have to pay a small processing but it so convenient. The thing that most appealed to be me was that you can add money and the site says your child’s account will be updated in minutes – or not.

The first day back to school after Christmas break, Brandon tells me his account is getting low. I go online and load it up thinking it will be ‘updated in minutes’. Now in their defense, I should have noticed the status column clearly stated that the transaction had not been completed yet. In my defense, I am ADD and was too busy to notice because I was on to the next task.

The next day Brandon’s account did not have enough money to buy lunch but they gave him lunch anyways. He told me he had a ‘negative’ balance. I found out later that ‘in minutes’ means that account takes up to six days to update as processing time varies by school (that is in small print). I called the school cafeteria and talked to a woman that verified that there was no more money in his account. She also told me she paid for Brandon’s lunch with her own money as she did not want him to go without lunch. I thought that was so nice. Brandon said she does that a lot for others, also. I now call her the Cafeteria Angel.

A Song in My Heart

I have a very faithful friend who wakes up every morning with a praise song in her head. Not only that but the song is usually an answer to a prayer. I envy her. I wake up every morning with a song in my head, too. Usually a praise song but not always. Sometimes I wake up with songs like ‘Why Do You Drink’ by Hank Williams Jr. That was the morning my son turned to me and said ‘Better get that one out of your head before you go to work’. Had something to do with me working at a preschool.

The other day I heard a song that would be exactly the words I would want to leave my children with when I die. I think about that often. Not dying but what words I would want them remember after I was gone. The song brings tears to my eyes every time I listen to it because it is exactly the words I would want them to always remember. It’s called ‘The Words I Would Say’ by the Sidewalk Prophets. Below are some of the lyrics:

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know.

God's got His hand on You
So don't live life in fear.
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here.

Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day.
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say.


You can listen to the entire song below – enjoy!

ARrrrrrrrrr

For years I thought the AR (Advanced Reading) program was great. There was an abundant of AR books at the library that interested Brandon. Things changed this year when he entered middle school.

Brandon was tested at the highest reading level possible. This means the points he is awarded for reading a book and passing a comprehension quiz is based on a sliding scale. He gets the most points for the higher level books. It is harder to find books that interest him as his reading level increases.

When I found I could view his AR progress at his middle school's website I was excited. I clicked on the AR parent link to view his progress and was pleased to see a list of AR books that included a book of his favorite movie, 'The Bourne Identity'. Wow! I thought. Finally some decent books that will keep his interest. I went to a used book store and bought the book.

Now, I consider my self pretty Internet savvy. I do not like labor intensive sites where I have to work to find something. Soooo ….. I did not notice that before I logged into his account, there on the sidebar was the middle school AR list. The list of books the school bought AR quizzes for not to be confused with the complete AR list.

I was made aware of this two days before Brandon’s AR goal was to have been met when he went to take the quiz on 'The Bourne Identity' only to discover there was none. He had spent weeks reading this book, which by the way was worth 28 out of his 38 point goal. There was no time to read that many books in the span of a couple days to make up for the points he was short.

The funny part is I was told that books like 'The Bourne Identity' were not added to the middle school’s AR list because they were not ‘for middle school readers’. The kids are reading at the college level. What did they expect them to read about – Bob the Builder? I noticed 'The Scarlet Letter' is on the list. So that’s a subject for ‘middle school readers’?

ARrrrrrrrrrrrr

Just Sayin

I love this phrase. Urbandictionary.com defines ‘just sayin’ as ‘a phrase that is used when someone is offended by something you said. This phrase then removes all the offensiveness of the previous statement, making it all good’.

My son and I use this phrase with each other in a kidding, loving way. He started it and then I took off with it. Anyone that knows me knows I get a hold of a word or phrase and then I use the heck out of it. Being ADD it helps to add this phrase after I have blurted out something that may offend someone. It is an ADD person’s dream come true to be able to cushion the blow of one of our impulsive outbursts ‘making it all good”.

Of course, there are ways to use it and ways not to. For instance, saying “Your butt is too big [pause] just sayin’ would be the way NOT to use this phrase. But saying ‘That would not be the way I would have handled that situation [pause] just sayin’ would be.

The pause is important because you need to wait for that ‘I am offended’ look to appear on the other person’s face before adding ‘just sayin’. No need to waste a ‘just sayin’ on someone who is not offended. If you don’t know how to read the person well, better to add a ‘just sayin’ just in case.

There are some of us that get so wrapped up in our own little worlds that sometimes nothing seems to offend us so when that happens, don’t waste a ‘just sayin’ on us. Just sayin.

Our Little Earthling

We recently spend 10 days over Christmas break out at our land located southwest of Kingman and northeast of Lake Havasu City. It is high desert so it was quite cold. We went out there to put some barb wire fencing to keep the ATVers from using the corner of our land as their launching spot and also to prevent access to a two track trail we plan to create leading up to our prospective building site.

It was a great trip for several reasons. Brian and Brandon learned the hard way (what other way is there) how to put up barb wire fencing. We learned it is not any easy task and the finished product, including a chain link gate, was not bad for a couple of amateur cowboys. I was the ‘chuck wagon’ cook and maid and spent most of my days playing Scrabble, listening to audio books and researching solar power. One of the two neighbors on our street that are completely on solar power gave me some great reading material on the subject. We used a couple of portable solar panels to recharge our trailer batteries - when the sun was shining, that is.

Brandon took his customary 2 to 3 days to detox from the Internet although every time we went into Lake Havasu for supplies he asked if we could ride around town looking for free Wi-Fi (the answer was always ‘no’). He finally stopped asking but never stopped mentioning it. One of the reasons (or so he says) was that he wanted Internet access was to determine if the rocks he found contained silver (they didn’t although we did find an abandoned mine claim on our property). He would walk the land for hours looking for rocks carrying a 22 rifle (the neighbors reported there was a mountain lion roaming the area). We never saw the mountain lion but our golden retriever, Sandy, fearlessly ran off several cattle that were destroying our fragile desert landscape. Darn those free range laws.

He also did a lot of target practicing. It paid off when he was walking with his father one afternoon and shot a quail with his 22 rifle. He is quite a good shot. He and his father also went quail hunting on Christmas Day. Sandy actually retrieved a shot quail for the first time. Brian was looking for the fallen bird and looked up and Sandy had the bird in his mouth with a ‘Is this what you are looking for?’ look on his face.

Our home was a 26 foot trailer which we all agreed was a lot roomier than the over the cab camper we usually use to camp. It did allow for some good quality family time. I was just thrilled to have more than one room and ran from room to room (all three of them) like a kid. Our routine was to crank up the generator to watch a movie together in the evening followed by Brandon and me playing several games of Yahtzee. There were a couple of days where Brandon had spent all day working on the fence and hit the sack after the movie He worked long and hard and had no trouble falling asleep.

When we got back home we watched the movie The Earthling. It is movie filmed in Australia starring William Holden and Ricky Schroder. William Holden plays a man who returns to the outback where he was born to die in peace after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. His path crosses with a young boy played by Ricky Schroder who is orphaned after a tragic accident with his parents while camping. He is befriended by William Holden who teaches him to survive in the outback before he dies.

It made me think how lucky we are to provide out son with the opportunity to spend time outdoors and developing skills that most kids don’t get exposed to in their lifetime. We are doing what a lot of parents never get an opportunity to do – teach him to be independent. He know how to hunt and fish to feed himself. He knows how to put up fencing and handle a gun to protect himself and his property. He is learning about solar power so he can live independent of utility companies. And most of all, our little ‘earthling’ is learning how to entertain himself without the Internet.