I Won't Apologize

We are, in a lot of ways, what we were. Our past influences who we become. Good or bad. The bad can be overcome but still remains a part of us. It can make us better people.

I am a bit overprotective (I can see my children reading this and shaking their heads yes -they know). I am not protective in the way where I wrap my kids in bubble wrap and never let them out of my site. More in the way of when somebody messes with my children in any way, my mama bear instinct kicks in and it can get ugly. It is a very strong emotion and is hard for me to temper.

God gave us mama bears that instinct. We were born to protect our young. That is our job, our purpose. I don’t know what happened to the women who don’t protect their children. I just can’t imagine what makes them that way. It defies nature. It should be a crime and in some cases it can be. If the mother doesn’t protect her children – who will?

Part of being a mama bear is that we were born with more emotions than men. It is not like we can control it although some of us are more emotional than others. I just love when someone gets in my face and calls me a drama queen. Of course, I am. God made me that way. So I can show my children unending, unconditional love. So I can empathize with them and show them how to empathize with others. So I can laugh with them and cry with them. So I can protect them. I won’t apologize for that. Ever.

Gee, Beaver!

A while back my son and some of his buddies from 6th grade spent the day together. They had attended an elementary charter school so they are now attending various middle schools. In retrospect, 6th grade was the end of the age of innocence in their lives. They had been together since first grade and had developed strong friendships. They genuinely liked and respected each other despite their differences. Most of them were now facing more grown up realities in middle school that in some cases are to say the least – a bit harsh.

Watching the boys that day was so heart warming. They playfully competed and kidded each other. They felt comfortable and accepted. None of them wanted the day to end. It reminded me of the 50’s TV show ‘Leave it to Beaver’. Back when kids played and got dirty from good old fashion outdoor play (my son thinks outdoor play is when he takes his laptop out to the back porch). Kids said ‘gee’, and ‘swell’ and Beaver’s favorite, ‘goofy’. Kids were respectful to adults (although Eddie Haskell did push it to the limits).

The reality is that eventually most if not all of them will grow further and further apart and soon these days of past will disappear in their memories. It makes me sad. The innocence will fade as life becomes more complicated and at times harder. I don’t want the days of innocence to end. I want these boys to continue to feel comfortable and accepted. Gee, why does life have to be so goofy?

No Kidding Sherlock

Well, not exactly how I would say it, but close enough. It has been over three months since I started my quest to obtain a seat for my son on his overcrowded school bus. The last update had him assigned a seat and the bus driver enforcing that seat assignment – at least Brandon’s seat assignment. That went very well and for over a month things having been going smoothly – no problems.

That of course, is when Transportation chooses to take action. I guess they figured the bus was overcrowded - no kidding Sherlock! They pulled Brandon’s bus stop and moved it to a different bus. Not that I disagree. The overcrowded bus situation was only being temporarily relieved by the participation of a large group of students in track. The bus was and always has been overcrowded. It just to the kids on the bus, who live in the moment, it seemed illogical to make the change when everything has been going good. As I said before ‘No wonder kids think adults are idiots – we are!’

I have to admit I had a big grin on my face when I heard my son describe the strictness of the new bus driver. He basically read the new kids the riot act and announced ‘he would respect them if they respected him’. I could hardly contain my glee! This was a man after my own heart! He knew what I knew all along. The only way to handle middle schoolers, who lack fully developed frontal lobes, was to lay down the law on day one. Take no prisoners.

Of course, my son, after listening to my thoughts on the subject, rolled his eyes and put his hands in what we now call the ‘I should get a video of this’ stance.

Got Seat?

Back in August I spent four long days trying to get my son a seat on the school bus. It seems there are so many kids riding this bus that unless they are placed just right, they don’t fit. I wrote an article called 'Got Seat? - A Mother's Quest to Secure a Seat on the School Bus for Her Son’. It was a form of therapy for me. Here’s an excerpt which describes how a Transportation supervisor ‘fit’ the kids on the bus:

‘My son advised that someone came on the bus this afternoon and rearranged them so they would all fit on the bus. He said several kids were very tightly crammed three to a seat. No seat assignments were given. Ok, let’s go over this. You have a bus full of middle schoolers. The ones with absolutely no frontal lobes that they choose to isolate at a school for two years. You rearrange them by size on the bus like a puzzle until they all fit. The skinny kids get the short end of the stick because they look like three of them can be crammed into one seat. I can just hear her saying ‘I need another fat kid over here!’ Then you tell them ‘See, you can all fit!’ No wonder kids think adults are idiots – we are!’

Despite seat finally being assigned, Brandon continued to struggle to get a seat and continued to describe what seemed to be a free for all on the bus as the bus driver did not seem to enforce the bus rules. Sooo… we arranged for a meeting with the bus driver and his supervisor.

The bus driver was the stereotypical bus driver. I won’t go into detail but I swear everyone describes their childhood bus driver using the same characteristics. This bus driver made it clear that no one tells him how to run his bus. After some pretty ugly scenes between him and Papa Bear, not to mention a couple of verbal swats from the growling Mama Bear, it was decided that he would enforce the bus rules (and the seating assignments) and follow the procedures for addressing violations of bus rules. Did I mention that that was in his job description, therefore, was his job?

We do not have a lot of confidence that things will turn around but remain cautiously optimistic. It takes a lot of energy on our part to pursue these issues. Most parents would just drive their kids to school or tell them to deal with it. Sad, isn’t it?

Same thing seems to be happening with the financial state of the nation. Most people do not want to protest in any way in fear that it would be perceived as civil disobedience. Some of these people are the same people who back in the 60’s and 70’s protested about everything (those were the days!). We just keep on voting the same idiots that got us into this mess back into office and complaining about how things never change. (I saw a sign on the news the other day that I really liked. It said ‘We can’t fix stupid – but we can vote them out of office’.)

As I said before ‘No wonder kids think adults are idiots – we are!’

I'm Mad as Hell

I am deeply saddened by the death of 7 year old Somer Thompson from Orange Park, Florida. She walked away from a group of children walking home from school and never got home. They find her body in a landfill. Watching them interviewing her mother this morning was excruciating. My entire body hurt, especially my heart. It’s bad enough that they killed her child but to put her in trash – that is well beyond any mother’s comprehension.

The Associated Press reported this morning that ‘Investigators have finished questioning all 161 registered sex offenders living within a 5-mile radius of Somer's home …’ 161 sex offenders in a 5 mile radius from the child’s home??????!!!!!! I lived in the big city of Phoenix and there are only 13 registered sex offenders in my zip code!

The ruthless, senseless killing of our children has to stop. I am not saying the killings are all being done by registered sex offenders. God only know how many child killers there are, including the unregistered, potential and non-convicted sex offenders, lurking our streets. What I am saying is that there should be no children living in an area that has 161 registered sex offenders in a 5 mile radius. It is outrageous. We as a nation need to start speaking out again these atrocities, not to mention other situations. As the main character (Peter Lynch) said in the 1976 movie classic “Network”,‘I’m mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore!’

Book 'em Danno

One of the young men involved in the cell phone fiasco has owned up to his participation. I commend him for taking this step. It is a good sign. Remorse is good. The fact that his father wants him to apologize to my son and myself is commendable. This young man might not know this now but his father may have possibly prevented what could have been his bleak future. It is amazing how character is built when you are held accountable for your actions. Job well done, Papa Bear!

Brandon learned the accountability lesson early. When he was in 1st grade he and another child decided they would just hang in the boy’s room after recess to skid on the their knees. It was one of those situations that you look back and ask your self ‘What was I thinking?’ I can actually see your head shaking in confirmation - I know, we all have at least one of those stories. It took the teachers ten minutes to find the missing boys. I was made aware of the situation when I picked up Brandon from school. I marched him into the classroom to apologize to both of his teachers for wasting their time. I assure you, he will never forget that. Message received.

My daughter Kristina on the other hand … now that is a different story. We were in a party supply store and she kept eying this plastic clown on a pick that was used to stick on the top of a cupcake. She was about 8 years old. When we got in the car and drove off she took the clown out of her pocket. I was astonished and asked ‘Did you take that from the store?’ She hung her head and quietly said, ‘Yes’. I then proceeded to read her the riot act and told her I was going to march her back into the store and have her confess to the manager of the store. She decided she wanted no part of that plan and threw the clown out the window. I was so flabbergasted that we did not return to the store (I should have). To this day she laughs when she recalls this incident. That kind of mischievous laugh. Thankfully, she grew up to be a law abiding citizen.

Hopefully, this chapter of middle school is coming to an end. Confession received. Book ‘em, Danno.

Misery Loves Company

Life is not simple. Anyone that has had to go to their minor child for instructions on how to operate an electronic device knows that. Making a phone call use to be easier, too. You just picked up the nearest rotary dial phone and dial the telephone number. Now you have to decide, do I use the land line or the cell phone? Do I have to unblock the caller ID? Am I over my minutes? Does the person I am calling have the same cell phone service as I do so I can get free mobile to mobile minutes? Should I text instead and if I do, does the other person have unlimited text or will they be charged? Well, you get the idea.

It would be so simple for me to assume that the child(ren) who allegedly took possession of Brandon's cell phone last week and texted a vulgar message are just bad, evil children. End of story. Or not.

Bullying has been around forever. All of us can recount stories from our childhood, some that would make some of our hairs stand on end. Back in those days, there were no anti-bullying programs at the schools like there are now. It was every child for themselves. Some fought back. Some took it. Some reported it to their parents at the risk the bullying would get worse. And some, like my daughter, Kristina, got smart and made friends with a ‘tough’ kid who provided her with protection. Smart girl.

Ever wondered what makes a child a bully? I did, so I researched the subject. First, let’s deal with the myths courtesy of StopBullyingNow. Surprisingly, bullies are usually not loners and they make friends easily. They have average or above average self-esteems. Why do they bully? They generally lack empathy, they usually have less than positive home environments, and their friends support their bullying.

Thinking about the child(ren) who took possession of Brandon’s cell phone last week reminded me of an incident involving my daughter, Kristina, when she was younger. There was a girl on the bus that bullied her relentlessly. When I complained, the bus driver decided to walk the girl to her door one day with the intent of discussing the incidents with her parent(s). After he explained to her mother what was happening on the bus, the mother proceeded to start yelling and hitting her daughter to the horror of the bus driver and the children on the bus. The bus driver, feeling helpless, just walked away. Later, Kristina and I both felt so bad for the girl. Not hard to figure out why that girl was a bully.

Brandon brought up a good point. There are bullies everywhere. At school, at our workplaces and even at church. There is really no way of getting away from them. Clearly, when it comes to bullying we need to have zero tolerance and bullies need to take responsibility for their actions. We need to stand up for ourselves and give our children the tools to do the same. But at the same time we should be mindful of and sympathetic to the misery that person must be experiencing that they feel the need to inflict misery on someone else. As we all know - misery loves company.

Just the Facts Ma'am

It seems that ‘someone’ (we know who they are) ‘gained possession’ (stole) Brandon’s cell phone on the bus yesterday (there was a witness) and sent out a vulgar text message to most people on his contact list (and God knows who else). The phone was returned by someone who found it on the ground (co-conspirator?). Then we find out there were prior incidents of head slapping and verbal attacks launched at our son and others on the bus by these same two individuals.

This is not the first time we have had trouble with this bus. Remember how I fought to get a seat on the school bus for my son at the beginning of the school year? Well, come to find out, he has been fighting to get a seat ever since. The assigned seating arrangement implemented by the assistant principal is not being enforced by the bus driver.

I would accuse the bus driver of being comatose as all of these incidents were not witnessed by him and he doesn’t appear to see children sitting on the floor of the bus while he driving - but how can that be? Someone is driving the bus so it has to be him – but that is all he is doing. He appears to have no intention of maintaining discipline and providing a safe environment. But by golly, don’t eat on his bus because he will be all over you because he has to clean up after you.

Remember the TV show Dragnet about a Los Angeles detective named Joe Friday. (I know, I know - I am aging myself). He actually stated ‘All we want are the facts, ma'am’ but that later became widely restated as ‘Just the facts, ma’am’. I found myself recalling that phrase as I sat in the assistant principal’s office today.

My husband joined us via conference call. He warned me the day before that he was ‘loaded for bear’. It means to be prepared for the worse case scenario. Bring it on! I thought that was a funny saying but very appropriate. When the call ended there was no mistake he was ‘loaded for bear’. Go Papa Bear! Show those teeth!

I was a bit more emotional. I get that way when I am in a situation involving my children. I have a tendency to make assumptions based on previous behavior of the individuals involved. This was one of the consequences, some of us were told growing up, of having a bad reputation. That in itself infers we were partially responsible even if we were falsely accused of something. It is called taking responsibility for your own actions and realizing that your behavior today can impact what people think about you in the future. It is a reality we all live with at some point or another. Nowadays, it comes down to ‘Just the facts, ma’am’. If you can’t prove it, school officials hesitate to even discuss the situation with the alleged offenders.

This carries over into adulthood where people are commended for being truthful and remorseful but the media omits the fact that they were not truthful and remorseful UNTIL THEY WERE CAUGHT. What a great message we are sending the youth of America – do what you want but deny, deny, deny and most of all - don’t get caught.

I Should Get a Video of This

My son Brandon’s favorite saying since he got his cell phone is ‘I should get a video of this’ whenever he is witnessing one of my silly moments (I have many) or one of my meltdowns (more than I would like to admit). Of course, I make it very clear that he better not even try. He says that he would make me famous (on YouTube, I’m sure). Not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to find my ‘voice’.

I do have to admit it gets kind of crazy around here. Just to set the record straight, I do yell at the TV. I always thought that was weird when people would yell at the TV. Now I am doing the same thing. It must be a sign of old age. It is not like the people on the TV can hear me (although, I am certain the neighbors can). I think I yell because I wish they could hear me or better yet hear themselves to see how ridiculous they sound.

There are two different kinds of TV yellers. There are the Fictional Yellers and Non-Fictional Yellers. Fictional Yellers usually yell at situations on the TV that are not real. My mom is a Fictional Yeller. She used to yell at the actors on her soap operas. If you are the kind of person who yells ‘Don’t go out there!’ at the actor in a scary movie when they decide to go outside their safe home to check on a noise, you are a Fictional Yeller.

I am a Non-Fictional Yeller. I usually yell at real situations. We Non-Fictional Yellers think yelling at real situations on the TV sets us apart from you ‘other’ people who yell at fictional situations. We are yelling at the TV over a real life situation, therefore, we are more rational. Hmmm.

This time it was the film director Roman Polanski situation. Some of the celebrities are getting behind him and saying he got a bad deal. He rapes a 13 year old, flees the country, is free for 15 years, gets caught (finally) and now says he is being treated unfairly? By the way, who leaves their 13 year old alone with a then 60 some year old man???? It just boiled my blood and brought my mama bear claws out.  We need to protect the children – first and foremost.

Just Jumping In

My brother, Ray, encouraged me to start a blog after I spent several days fighting the school district in order to get my son a seat on the school bus. It was the most absurd situation. Why wouldn't a child have a seat on a school bus and why didn't anyone care that he didn't? Hence the name, The Mama Bear. I have the tenacity of a mother bear when I am standing up for my kids. I joked about publishing my story and he suggested blogging. I hesitated to start a blog. I am not worthy, I thought.

My friend, Kari, has the gift of journalism and has a great blog full of interesting and funny family stories. She had an amazing childhood and has six kids. Who wouldn't have interesting and funny stories with six kids? http://spencerfamilystuff.blogspot.com/

My friend, Kimberly, also has a blog. She is an artist and a photographer. She lives in rural Montana and designs scrapbook kits. She takes the most amazing photographs.
http://kimberlygarofolo.typepad.com/capturing_the_moments/

I, on the other hand, have only two kids and no obvious talent. What would I write about? In came to me in a meeting at one of my jobs. The speaker was talking about the value of blogging from a purely business prospective. He talked about how his early posting were pretty pathetic but over the years he developed his voice. I thought - I could do that. I could be pathetic at first then develop my voice. So I decided to just jump in!